Learn the definition of 'liminal'

Maureen Corrigan used this word (liminal) to introduce Elizabeth McCracken's book (the amazing women at glow in the woods also talked to her about her book!)

The word "liminal" been haunting me since.

How do you properly mourn Grace when she was mine just for a moment? She is part of our family,She is a real baby. I held her. yet can only ever be an imaginary toddler, kindergartner, adult. She's a part of the fabric of our family and yet has never been in my house.

She is a member of our family. Yet she never took a breath outside my body. Her sister, N, never met her. Neither did her grandparents, her aunts or uncles. She is hope and ideas and a tiny little body with disproportionately long feet and unexpectedly black hair.


I got to hold the baby, take pictures, dress her, hold her some more. Not every mama gets to do that, I know. Not everyone gets such tactile, physical proof of a baby's existence. I should be grateful, and I am.

There is a box for safekeeping of photos, a hat knitted by unknown volunteers just for this purpose, a handknit blanket (again, those amazing unseen volunteers) that was wrapped around her, a lock of hair (suddenly incredibly precious to me - who knew?), footprints.


I'm incredibly grateful for those keepsakes, the nurse who made those footprints, for the photographer from an amazing set of volunteers just for this purpose (NILTMDS). I'm grateful for all the arrangements made for us by the hospital, for all the understanding at work, for all the baubles and trinkets. But some days, it's all so inadequate.


I will recognize some of this gratitude on Thanksgiving day. But ultimately I am left with the reality that all these are just trinkets. So paltry. So secondhand.