Face Mother's Day

"Is she your only?"

The poor woman who asked me this question. She had no idea. I had to pause and recover. And in the split second of processing this, I decided I couldn't handle it. So I didn't answer truthfully; I answered conveniently. We were in the middle of a party, I didn't want to face the followup, the horror, the explanation, I just couldn't.

So I got over the bodyblow of this question and said, "Yes, she [my daughter N] is my only."

But of course, I have two daughters. Only one is alive.

Today is Mother's Day. My dad gives my mother a set of roses every year: 1 pink for her, 3 white for each of her kids, and now a yellow for each grandchild. This year, he included 3 yellows -- one for my daughter, N, one for my amazing niece L, and one for Grace.

That was another one that took the wind out of me, but was a happy one. Makes me love my dad - who has faced so much loss of his own in his life - so much.