Monday, March 2, 2009

Find new words and images to make sense of it all





I'm exploring alternative medicine - acupuncture, herbs, ways to boost my mood and energy after a year of feeling lost.

As I was sitting here drinking a terrible tasting mix of roots and herb tea for my spleen, waiting for my next period to arrive, I'm left to wonder: what story does my acupuncturist, a lovely, quiet, serious, middle-aged Chinese man, bring to my story? What do stillbirth and cord accidents mean in traditional Chinese medicine? Do they mean anything? Was my energy blocked? Was it just misfortune and chance?

I didn't find my answer yet, but just ran across this book and put in my order right away:

Finding Hope When a Child Dies By Sukie Miller and Doris Ober.

In the little taste I got from the preview, I latched on to the little snippets of the rituals across cultures. In Indonesia, she says, there is a culture that says the souls of dead babies are in forest, in the water and rain on the leaves of the trees.

There are dragonflies and angels and fairies and souls and heaven.

In my daughter's case, Grace hangs out with baby angels.

In my case, Grace is in the wind, as she arrived the night she was born, and comes and goes with the storms and breeze.

This means that she can come up and surprise me anywhere.

Once, I was caught off guard driving past the park, confronted with homemade pinwheels covering a small rolling hill, a project of a local artist and dozens of school children.

I stopped the car and got out. I had to believe that Grace was there in some way for me then, and I climbed the hill in the rain and cried and cried.

All this used to sound crazy. More than a year out, it's a lifeline.

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